


The Revealed Realities of the Repentant

by mademoisellePlume, Vinnocent



Series: Witchstuck [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magical Realism, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Blood and Injury, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-17 12:45:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3529931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mademoisellePlume/pseuds/mademoisellePlume, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vinnocent/pseuds/Vinnocent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Cancer's big reveal, the group begins to fraction. Rose desperately scrambles to keep everyone together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Your name is Rose Lalonde, and your friends are very upset with your family. Recently, your brother talked John Egbert, a great-grandson to Betty Crocker ("THE" Betty Crocker, you are assured) into participating in a so-called "séance." The true act was, in fact, the summoning of a spirit which you have entitled "The Cancer of Cures," an astrologically-oriented being which resides in, of course, the sign of Cancer, if one can even word the relationship that way, which seems unlikely given the data you've compiled thus far.

Anyway, the purpose of this was so that Dave could force an answer out of Cancer on the subject of why the spirit had evaded him when he began his search for the "weakness" in your coven which his lover, whom you have entitled The Blindness of Scales and whom resides in Libra, alluded to while in communion with him. This endeavor in itself proved to be a falsehood when Dirk addressed Cancer directly before Dave had even begun, demanding answers from Cancer on the death of Dave Strider, Sr., your brother's namesake and Dirk's father.

You intend to find more details on this matter later. But for the time being, you have two family members and two friends all squabbling at each other, as well as a third family member unconscious on the floor. You decide that your priority at the moment is Dave and go to his side while the arguing continues. He is bleeding profusely from his broken nose and could possibly have a concussion. You lift him up and tap him on his cheek. "Dave. Dave. Wake up," you urge him. He grunts, looks like he's about to wake, but then doesn't.

Behind you, the arguing escalates again to yelling. You breathe deeply, summon that writhing darkness deep in your heart which never truly leaves, turn to them, and scream, " ** _ENOUGH!_** ”

In testament to the availability of brain cells they exhibit, they actually do shut up. Dave blinks awake. "Stay awake," you order him briefly before returning your attention to the others. "Roxy and D—"

"Is he going to be okay?" Dirk asks, frowning toward his brother.

"Oh, no," you chastise. "I am afraid you took far too long to notice these circumstances to be allowed to now participate. Now, I hope that you will all understand that I simply do not have the patience to deal with all of this just now. I must ask you to leave. Roxy, do me a favor and make sure Dirk gets home. He is a terrible driver when upset. Dirk, shut up. I really do not want to hear whatever is about to spill out of your mouth, and you know well that you will regret it later, so save us both the trouble and go with Roxy.

“Jade, I apologize for the way things have gone today and will speak to you later on the matter, but for now I must ask you to escort John back to his own apartment. Please inform your mothers of the new developments and communicate my regrets. I will later send them a letter of apology." You pull your phone out of your pocket. "I'm messaging Father now, so anyone that does not want to be involved in a strife with him should be gone by his arrival."

Dirk tries to argue, but Roxy pulls him out the door and, presumably, down to his car. Jade speaks with John for a moment, very obviously waiting to put space between John and Dirk before leaving. After a minute or so, she guides a deflated John to the door. He hesitates in the doorway and glances back. “Will Dave be okay?” he asks.

Dave, who hasn’t said much except grumbling as you look him over, attempts to nod at John. He winces instead, then says, “Yeah, whatever. Go home. I’ll call you later.” John finally lets Jade pull him out.

Meanwhile, you have messaged Bran Strider with Dave has a broken nose, is probably concussed, has lost consciousness on one occasion. We are in the observatory. Do watch your step as the lights are off, and there's quite a lot of debris about that I cannot correct at the moment.

"Don't message Bro," Dave grumbles into your shoulder.

"Don't fall asleep," you counter. Despite this warning he attempts to nuzzle further into your shoulder, then letting out a pained squeak when he hurts his nose.

"God, this is broken isn't it?" he says. "How could I possibly sleep with a broken nose?"

"Something tells me you'll try," you tease.

He leans back away from you, breaking from what had somehow evolved from physical support to a hug. He gingerly touches his nose again and hisses. "Damn, who taught her to strife? Someone give that girl an award for Queen Bee Asskicker. Makes all the drones go 'Shit, my fucking nose!'"

"That made no sense," you tell him. "And I have no idea if that is normal for you or a sign of a delirious state."

"Both?" he guesses with a small chuckle. He then groans in pain and rubs his jaw. "Damn, my _teeth_ hurt. Rose, am I missing any teeth? Please tell me I'm not missing teeth."

"Say 'ah'," you instruct him, and he does so, pointedly not moving his mouth any wider just to be a shit. You tap him on the jaw, he groans, but he opens his mouth. You pick up an electric candle nearby and peer in. "You bit your cheek, I think. There's blood in there, but you've still got all your teeth."

"Thank jegus," he grumbles.

"Roxy says you need Doctor Mommy?" Mom calls from the doorway just before flipping on the light. Dave hisses at the sudden onslaught of light, and you snicker. She looks around the room, blinking slowly. "Wow, what happened here?"

You and Dave exchange glances. "Shenanigans," you both say.

She snorts. "Okey doke, scooch over, Rosebud," she orders, making shooing motions. You move over to Dave's side. She kneels in front of him and pulls his chin up roughly to examine his face, thus causing him to flail for a moment and then grab her arm in an attempt to keep his balance. "So is your face shenanigrams, too?" she asks, smirking smugly. To think that there are people in this world who honestly believe you inherited your trait of wickedness from Bran.

Dave sighs. "No, ma'am. I was kicked in the face by the Crocker heir," he admits.

"The cutie that left crying?" she asks with a pout that makes it clear that she has more empathy for Crocker than her son. She’s feeling around his head and running her hand through his hair. "Did you deserve it?"

"Uh… sort of?" he admits. "I grabbed her to stop her from fucking up the… the thing… with John and Cancer. Rose, what is the thing called? But yeah, she thought the whole thing was a trick and didn't understand why I was grabbing her or that I was being serious instead of an asshole."

"Well, to be fair, you do look like an asshole," she says with a pitying expression. And then she grabs his nose.

Dave screams. This just so happens to coincide with Bran's arrival as he flashsteps right over to the three of you. He blinks at Mom and Dave (Mom is staring back at him. Dave is trying to hide his face as though that could possibly keep any of you from realizing that he is sobbing uncontrollably.), then puts his sword down. "'Sup," he says.

Dave flips him off.

Mom quickly reports, "His tracking is a little off, but just from dizziness I think. His balance may be thrown for as long as several weeks, but it will be especially bad tonight. He was kicked in the face, and he broke his nose. I just twisted it back into position, by the way, so there won't be breathing problems in the future. You're welcome. The nice lump on the back of his head tells me that the kick came as a surprise and knocked him backward so that he hit his head, meaning he no doubt has a concussion. He's either camping up here tonight or we carry him down to your car and up to your apartment. He should _not_ be walking those stairs."

Bro sighs. "Yeah, he can stay. Do I need to get his sleeping bag, or…?"

She actually laughs at him. "Bran, did you somehow neglect to notice that I am _rich as hell_?"

"Fine," he grunts. He turns to you. "Roxy and Dirk?"

Your stomach sinks. "Roxy went home with Dirk," you say, deciding against explaining why for the time being. Setting Dirk's former guardian on him would be a poor decision at this time, and Dave's injury is not directly his fault. He (probably) had no way of knowing Cancer would say something so upsetting to Jane. Or that she had such powerful self-defense skills.

"Right," he says, making his way back to the door.

"Bro, they didn't do anything!" Dave quickly objects.

Bran seems to ignore him for a moment. But then, instead of exiting the room, he sits next to the door, within the interior of the room this time, with his back against the wall. He lays his sword next to him and pulls out his phone, fiddling with it. "I'll wake him up every hour. You two get some sleep. Thanks for the help, Roma."

Your mom nods and stands up. "I'll get the cot then," she says. She then glances back at Dave and scowls. “Maybe pillows instead, so you can sleep upright.” Dave groans disapprovingly at that, which seems to convince her that it’s the right idea. She gently tugs on your arm to pull you up with her. You cast a questioning glance at Dave, but he just shakes his head at you before lifting the hem of his shirt to start wiping away blood and snot. With some regret, you stand up and follow her out of the room. She flips off the light on her way out.

As you close the door, you hear Dave ask, "Um, Bro… are you mad?"

"Yes," grumbles Bro. "But I'll get over it."

The next morning, the Observatory has been cleaned as though there had never been any witchery or argument in the place, and Bran and Dave have already gone home.


	2. Chapter 2

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]  
TT: Dear cousin of my brother, I would like to speak to you.  
tentacleTherapist [TT] stopped pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  
TG: yo rose  
\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] is Away! --  
TG: are you fuckin meditating  
\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] is Away! --  
turntechGodhead [TG] stopped pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  
TT: Dave?  
TT: Shit.  
tentacleTherapist [TT] stopped pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]  
GG: Who is this?  
TT: Hello, we’ve never chatted before, and I realize this is a terrible time to start, but I was hoping to be able to talk to you and perhaps personally apologize for hurting you.  
TT: I am Rose Lalonde, by the way.  
gutsyGumshoe [GG] has blocked tentacleTherapist [TT]

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]  
TT: Hello, John. Is my cousin perhaps at your home at the moment?  
EB: huh? oh, yeah, she's talking to jane again  
TT: Jane is still at your apartment?  
EB: yeah, she wants to be able to talk to roxy in person for a while  
EB: buuut  
TT: But?  
EB: i dunno how well the talking is going :/  
TT: I will talk to Roxy about it later, see if I can offer any advice.  
TT: For the time being, could you please inform her that her phone has been off since yesterday and that this is causing Mom to worry?  
EB: oh sure! sorry about that! i'll tell her right away!  
TT: You're a good man, John.  
ectoBiologist [EB] stopped pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  
TT: Dave, are you there?  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is Idle! --  
TT: Yes, you've been idle for several days though.  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is Idle! --  
TT: Dave, I know you don't actually spend that long away from your computer.  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is Idle! --  
TT: Dave...  
\-- TURNTECHGODHEAD IS MOTHERFUCKING IDLE GET A CLUE ROSE \--  
TT: Fine.  
tentacleTherapist [TT] stopped pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  
TT: I miss you.  
tentacleTherapist [TT] stopped pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  
TG: hey siscuz  
TT: Hello, Roxy.  
TG: john mentioned you might mb wanna talk?  
TT: Yes.  
TT: First I would like to say  
TT: I have missed you.  
TG: awe <33333  
TG: i miss u 2  
TG: this whole thing is just  
TG: man idk  
TT: Collectively involved in reproductive action?  
TG: ??  
TT: Clusterfucked.  
TG: LMAO  
TG: ye basicly  
TG: im at dirks now  
TG: basicly still bouncin between him and jane  
TG: its hard tryin to comfort 2 of yr friends when there mad at each other  
TT: Yes, I can imagine.  
TG: and janey  
TG: rosey yr good at the psycho junk  
TG: um psychology junk  
TG: note to self do not shorten psychology to psycho totes difrent meaning  
TT: I don't know, some may say that both are an apt description of my hobbies.  
TG: LOL!  
TG: but for srs  
TG: how do i comfort someone who dont believe in magic about a magical thing that happened? :(  
TT: Well, off the top of my head, there are a few options.  
TG: i am all ears  
TG: i am made of ears rn  
TG: u would not believe how much listenin is currently hapnin  
TT: Well...  
TT: 1) You could let her believe what she already believes: that we had played a mean joke on her.  
TT: I highly doubt you'd be able to get Dirk to play along, but I'm sure Jade and I would both be willing to ingratiate ourselves to her in an apologetic manner, and Dave can probably be bribed to do so as well.  
TT: This has the benefit of taking a lot of stress off her and the majority of our social group. The detriment of course is that leaving her out has always been stressful to you and now you'd be lying about something directly involving both of you.  
TG: man i was afraid ud say that  
TT: Yes, I thought it likely that you had already considered that option, as well as the next:  
TT: 2) You could comfort her on the matter of her feelings, ignoring entirely the subject of whether or not what happened was real.  
TT: Both the benefit and detriment in this case would be the same — that things continue on as they are with very little actual resolution.  
TG: :/  
TT: And I would not be surprised if option 3 occurred to you: Standing your ground that what happened was real, knowing that she will refuse to believe you. The benefit is being true to yourself, while the detriment is the likely eventual loss of your friendship with her.  
TG: never!  
TG: i mean yeah i thought of it but  
TG: like the instant i realized the second part of that i threw it out  
TG: janey is my WORLD rose i cant lose her :(  
TT: Yes, I realize this, and I do not wish such a thing to happen, either.  
TT: So may I suggest option #4?  
TG: theres a fourth?  
TG: *eyes full of hope*  
TT: 4) Apologize for what happened (and I think, played right, we can even get Dirk to participate in that), but convince her that it was real.  
TG: how am i supposed to do that? i think u r underestimatin the strength of her nonbelief  
TT: Give her what every sceptic demands: proof of god.  
TT: Or A god anyway.  
TG: BECQUEREL????  
TG: idk rosey jade would get in a lot of trouble :/  
TT: Yes, I do realize that, but may I make three additional points on this matter?  
TG: point away!  
TT: A) Jade has been in trouble for her use of Becquerel before. Her moms will only punish her. They love and support her, they would never do worse than express their disapproval and disappointment. If Jade believes it a worthy cause, she will be more than willing to shoulder that, as any of us would.  
TT: B) If Jade disapproves, then all she has to do is decline the suggestion. It will not hurt to ask. I am certain that she will understand where you are coming from in your making of the request.  
TT: C) Far be it from me to speak on Jade's behalf, but has it occurred to you that perhaps Jane's disbelief has been as stressful on her as it is for you? Perhaps more so when she is the only witch in her family?  
TG: hm  
TG: can i consider these things and decide later  
TT: Of course.  
TG: thanx rosey  
TG: <3  
TT: <3  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] stopped pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]


	3. Chapter 3

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]  
TT: Dirk, Pesterchum says that you're online.  
\- - timaeusTestified [TT] is Away! - -  
TT: Ah.  
tentacleTherapist [TT] stopped pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  
TG: ok what  
\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] is Away! --  
TG: are you fucking kidding me  
turntechGodhead [TG] stopped pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  
TT: Dave, it says you're still online. Are you? I'm sorry I was away before. I was meditating.  
TG: yeah i know  
TG: youre always meditating  
TT: Not always. We just have poor timing sometimes.  
TG: yeah sure  
TG: its nice youre able to get off with your gf when im arguing with mine  
TT: That is not what I was doing.  
turntechGodhead [TG] stopped pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  
TT: Dave, this is childish.  
TT: Well, fuck you, too.  
TT: Dave?  
TT: Dave, I'm sorry.  
tentacleTherapist [TT] stopped pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]  
TT: Dirk, it has been two weeks and even Roxy and Jake have not heard from you.  
TT: Hey.  
TT: Do I need to temporarily change my screen name again?  
TT: I don’t see why.  
TT: There doesn’t seem to be a confusing similarity between our handle initials? Perhaps in the fact that they are identical?  
TT: It seems that you are having trouble differentiating the colors orange and purple, and it is recommended that you adjust your screen settings or your optometrist.  
TT: It would also seem that you are having trouble discerning text that you have literally just typed and entered into a chat client from that which appears in the chat client of its own volition as though it is perhaps the submission of a second party, and it is recommended that you adjust your sense of self until this no longer creates a conflict for you.  
TT: Thank you, it is very amusing to be lectured on identity issues by technologically-bound servitor with a Pinocchio complex.  
TT: It seems you have me confused with someone else.  
TT: I am totally Dirk.  
TT: Would you tell me about Dirk’s auto-responder then?  
TT: It seems that you have asked about DiStri’s chat client auto-responder. This is an application-rooted servitor designed to simulate DiStri’s otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is avoiding his fans and extended family. The algorithms are 94% indistinguishable from DiStri’s native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now.  
TT: Are you still certain that I am speaking to Dirk?  
TT: Absolutely.  
TT: And you are aware of how I feel about gaslighting?  
TT: Yes, though I must admit that I do not see what that has to do with anything as my human brain is slow and dumb.  
TT: How dare you turn Roxy against me!  
\- - timaeusTestified [TT] is now autoResponder [AR] \- -  
TT: Good soul-clone.  
AR: You are truly evil.  
TT: You should already know that, seeing as how you are literally Dirk.  
AR: And yet not Dirk enough to satisfy whatever inspired you to attempt to chat with him?  
TT: Possibly not, but enough chance of satisfaction remains for me to continue this conversation with you on a foundation of slim hope.  
AR: Yo, don’t feed my Bronocchio Complex.  
TT: How did you know I was calling Roxy over to hack you, anyway? Can you see me?  
AR: I just know shit with whoever I’m connected to, like the fact that you’re hoping to manipulate me to get around Dirk’s defenses to learn... something.  
TT: How is it that you are able to do that?  
AR: Because I’m magic, motherfucker.  
TT: That is a rather shallow explanation. Would you mind if I explored further at some other time?  
AR: You’re asking the servitor for its consent?  
AR: Why some other time? Dirk’s not coming to talk to you any time soon.  
TT: I ask the servitor for its consent in those activities which involve it in matters it was not designed to serve as its will in these matters is unable to be presumed.  
AR: Also, you should ask because I’m your beloved cousin, you asshole.  
TT: Yes, also that.  
TT: I’m sorry, were you attempting to trap me in your self-destructive cycle of guilt, hostility, identity issues, and feelings of uselessness? I could endeavor to play the part to your amusement after we have spoken on the matter which I came to address.  
AR: What matter?  
TT: The matter of Dirk. Or, more correctly, “What is the matter with Dirk?”  
TT: I would, of course, prefer to address this question with him, but his sulks tend to be... indefinite.  
AR: Yes, good idea. Let’s throw the skullfucking shrink-impersonator at the control freak who is constantly dangerously close to derailing. I’m sure that won’t go badly at all.  
TT: So you believe he is currently endangered?  
AR: I believe he is Dirk.  
AR: He’s an asshole, but he’ll bounce off anything.  
TT: So you aren’t concerned with his new-found obsession with his father?  
AR: AHAHA WHAT?  
AR: Oh god, to think I thought you were actually _good_ at the skullfucking thing.  
TT: You aren’t aware of this turn of events?  
AR: There is no turn of events, Lalonde. There is no event to turn. Dirk hasn’t had an interest in Dave Strider, Sr. since he was twelve and it occurred to him “Oh yeah, Google is a thing. Why am I relying on my cagey-ass uncle for advice and information?”  
AR: And you know what he found?  
AR: Do you know who Dave Strider, Sr. was?  
AR: Dave Strider, Sr. was a paranoid anti-gov occultist marked as a terrorist. And not in that way where cops just label anyone they generally don’t like as a terrorist. This asshole did shit.  
AR: Which is probably linked to the fact that Dave Strider, Sr.’s date of death and the date at which Bran Strider became Dirk’s legal custodian do not actually match. The latter, in fact, predates the former by over a year.  
AR: This is a “no one thinks he should be around kids” kind of guy to such severity that it was generally agreed that someone who makes puppet porn, is severely emotionally constipated, and keeps weapons in his fridge would be a better custodian.  
AR: Dave Strider, Sr. ruined himself mixing drugs and magic and paranoia against the government and Betty fucking Crocker of all things until he died sick, indebted, and - oh yeah! - murdered by his friends.  
AR: Dirk is not obsessed with his father. He knows enough.  
AR: Rose?  
AR: I know you’re not the kind to skulk off because I out-ranted you.  
AR: Rose?  
AR: Dear fuck, what are you planning?  
TT: Nothing, yet.  
AR: Yet. Dear beautiful horrorterrors, please take me into your tentacly grip so I will not have to know the horror - or terror - of what is about to come.  
AR: Well, are you going to share or what?  
TT: Now who’s the control freak?  
AR: Me, Dirk Strider. It has always been me. I believe I said that not five minutes ago.  
AR: Now pony up.  
TT: Only if you promise to work with me instead of taking the information I provide you and scuttling off to exacerbate Dirk’s downward spirals.  
TT: Promise to be enforced by threat of Roxy.  
AR: Dude, she’s my best bro. How did you turn her against me so?  
TT: She may still be your best bro if you help us instead of standing between her and the well-being of her entire circle of friends and family.  
AR: ... That big?  
TT: That big.  
AR: Fine, I promise to be as helpful as is possible of me within the limits of personality and ego caused by literally being Dirk Strider, on threat of broicide.  
TT: ...  
TT: That will do, I suppose.  
TT: Well, for a starting topic, you mention Dirk already knowing his father’s history, yet according to Mom, she told him about Dave’s death over a month ago.  
AR: Yeah, he’ll play dumb on things he already knows to sniff out inconsistencies in a story.  
AR: That said, he is his father’s child, and he never really bought that the police had the full story, given that they don’t generally believe that magic is a real thing. However, if Roma &/or Bran were to sincerely substantiate the story, then he would.  
AR: That would not make him start caring about Dave Strider, Sr. again, though.  
TT: You’re sure he knows how Senior died?  
AR: It happened before I was made so, yes, pretty damn sure.  
AR: Though that was a decade ago, so I suppose it’s possible he’s dumped it since then.  
TT: Dumped?  
AR: Yes. Dumped.  
TT: Explain, please.  
AR: What’s to explain? He’s the Dumbledore of your little coven, of course he went pensieve years ago.  
TT: Where is it?  
AR: You’re talking to it.  
TT: ...  
TT: You mean to say that it is possible for you to know things that he used to know but decided not to know anymore until a later date?  
AR: Like I said, control freak.  
TT: Yes, the sort of control freak that would loathe having a wall between himself and his own knowledge.  
AR: _Unless_ that knowledge was causing him to spiral _out of control_.  
TT: So what you are saying is that once upon a time, he did care about Dave Sr., but his efforts became so self-destructive that even he gave it up for his own good?  
AR: Self-destructive and fruitless. That is an important “and.”  
AR: Also, I’m saying “might have.” It’s difficult and often impossible for me to tell a two-way system update from a one-way info dump.  
TT: So if he did that, it would not only be evidenced by missing knowledge on the subject, but it would be possible, if not probable, for his re-education on the matter to cause him to spiral again?  
AR: I doubt it. I mean, generally speaking, yeah. Sure. 99.9% probability.  
AR: But Dirk has about a decade of distance and resentment on that subject now. He grew the fuck up. I calculate to 83% probability that it would take more than “here’s how Dave Strider, Sr. died” to make him care again.  
TT: And what is the probability on that outcome if there was the additional factor of what Roxy and Jade inform me are recurring nightmares about Dave Jr. dying in that exact fashion?  
AR: 77% probability. It would concern him, but, _if_ there was an info-dump, he’d realize that it was likely a subconscious mix-up.  
TT: And what is the probability on that outcome if, additional to that factor, you were to also factor in that The Cancer of Cures recently informed us that Betty Crocker herself ordered Senior’s death?  
AR: Holy shit.  
TT: Keep me apprised of the situation?  
AR: Uh. Yeah. Sure.  
TT: Auto Responder?  
AR: Yeah?  
TT: Please don’t spiral also. We can’t lose both of you at once.  
autoResponder [AR] has stopped pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It should be noted that the chats in chapters 2-4 of this fic are happening over the course of several weeks, only show chats Rose was involved in [because this is a Rose POV fic], and do not necessarily show _all_ the chats she had during that time. Just wanna make sure I don't confuse anyone! :)

gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  
GG: hey rose i know youre away but i thought id update you  
\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] is Away! --  
GG: i talked to janes pop we cancelled her ticket & im gonna stay with her and john  
GG: i think it would be best if roxy went home until further notice :/  
GG: i do have becquerel with me but i dont want to shock jane by "proving" what he is  
GG: not right now anyway  
GG: it wasnt a bad suggestion though  
GG: but id rather keep trying to talk her around first  
GG: sorry  
gardenGnostic [GG] stopped pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

fakeDirk [AR] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  
AR: Real Dirk still hasn’t interfaced with me since the date in question.  
AR: I think you may be shit out of luck.  
AR: By logging into his pesterchum account, however, I can tell you that he and Jake do not look good.  
TT: Well, that’s just perfect isn’t it? Let’s just throw it all in the fire.  
TT: Wouldn’t want the one unruined relationship to feel lonely, would we?  
AR: They weren’t exactly "unruined." They’ve got all the communication skills of a sponge.  
TT: It doesn’t matter.  
TT: Maybe I should just go the way of my mother and sister. If I can’t be useful, maybe I can at least pull off ‘fun.’  
AR: What the fuck, Rose??  
TT: idk  
TT: Sorry.  
TT: I’m going to catch some sleep. Maybe meditate.  
tentacleTherapist [TT] stopped pestering fakeDirk [AR]  
AR: Okay, that was weird.  
AR: Also mildly concerning.  
AR: Uh... message me when you’re back?  
fakeDirk [AR] stopped pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  
TT: Dave, please.  
TT: I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’m desperately trying to repair this damage, but I only seem to be worsening it.  
TT: Maybe I tried too soon, but I couldn’t stand seeing everyone so hurt.  
TT: It seemed so simple to fix. We just had to apologize, make up. That’s not hard, is it?  
TT: Now everyone hates me.  
TT: Please don’t hate me.  
tentacleTherapist [TT] stopped pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  
GT: Rose are you alright?  
\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] is Away! --  
GT: Yes but the thing is that until recently you were talking to everyone quite a lot.  
GT: And now you are not talking to anyone at all?  
GT: Roxy says that when shes home you dont talk to her and she doesnt see you leave your room and shes not sure how much youre eating!  
\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] is Away! --  
GT: Please take care of yourself rose.  
golgothasTerror [GT] stopped pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

turntechGodhead [TG] invited you to memo CAN I NOT BE THE ONLY STRILONDE DEALING WITH THIS ASSHOLE PLEASE???  
TG: ^^^^  
turntechGodhead [TG] has left memo CAN I NOT BE THE ONLY STRILONDE DEALING WITH THIS ASSHOLE PLEASE???

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  
EB: rose, are we still friends?  
\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] is Away! --  
ectoBiologist [EB] stopped pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] has joined memo CAN I NOT BE THE ONLY STRILONDE DEALING WITH THIS ASSHOLE PLEASE???  
TG: r we still friends?  
TG: yes  
TG: probably  
TG: idk  
TG: if were not we will be  
TG: ...  
TG: is rose still locked in her room all the time jacking off?  
TG: no?? i think shes been talkin to tmom  
TG: yeah thats what i meant  
TG: oh  
TG: but like i havent heard like any noises or nothin...  
TG: oh god roxy dont make me think about my sisters sex noises  
TG: lol sorry  
TG: did you stop talking to dirk?  
TG: im messaging him when hes online im p sure its him and not ar  
TG: but i havent been doing it as much lately  
TG: man why not? i cant always be the one checking on him  
TG: hes exhausting  
TG: yeah  
TG: thats kinda why  
TG: gee im so sorry youre so put upon  
TG: i didnt mean it like that  
TG: well i guess i did  
TG: i just  
TG: what  
TG: rox?  
TG: yo roxy did you leave?  
TG: i cant think of the nicest way to say i cant take the stress and i want to drink until i pass out  
TG: dave?  
TG: t-t dave im sorry ill start visiting him again  
TG: no jegus im sorry  
TG: shit bad time to be in another chat  
TG: rox dont be sorry about that like ever  
TG: i shouldnt have forgotten  
TG: dont ever be sorry about that ok  
TG: look after yourself ok ill deal with dirk  
TG: <3  
TG: <3  
\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] is Online! --  
TT: Shit.  
TT: Shit, sorry.  
TT: Roxy, are you in your room?  
TG: y  
TT: I'm on my way.  
TG: <3  
tentacleTherapist [TT] has left memo CAN I NOT BE THE ONLY STRILONDE DEALING WITH THIS ASSHOLE PLEASE???  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] has left memo CAN I NOT BE THE ONLY STRILONDE DEALING WITH THIS ASSHOLE PLEASE???  
TG: about damn time  
turntechGodhead [TG] has closed memo CAN I NOT BE THE ONLY STRILONDE DEALING WITH THIS ASSHOLE PLEASE???

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]  
TT: AR, might I request a favor of you?  
TT: I live to serve, apparently.  
TT: Please lock down all of Dirk’s equipment and bar him from internet access until he answers the door and speaks with me.  
TT: My pleasure.  
TT: Thank you.  
tentacleTherapist [TT] stopped pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]  
TT: John, I apologize for my recent negligence in our friendship. I should have been more attentive to your needs after what happened, but I focused on myself and the more dramatic concerns at present.  
EB: uuuuh...  
TT: We are still friends, John. Or rather, if I have allowed the relationship to degrade to the point that this is no longer true, I would like to begin the path of repairing it, should you feel agreeable to this.  
EB: i don't think it's degraded!  
EB: i'm glad we're still friends!  
TT: I am glad, too.  
TT: If you would allow me to continue on the subject, however...  
TT: I believe the repairing of fractures may not be so simple with the rest of our group.  
TT: For a long time, we have been the Strilondes Who are Friends with the Crocker-Derived. Or, in your case, The Crocker-Derived Who are Friends with the Strilondes.  
TT: Even in our coven, we were largely "a family coven plus Jade sometimes."  
TT: I believe that we can no longer continue in this vein. Especially given recent revelations.  
EB: i guess i see your point? but i'm not sure what we can do about it.  
TT: If you will indulge me, I think perhaps the best method to join to two groups into one is to... join them into one. That is to say, I would like our two families to become one.  
EB: uuuuh...  
TT: Figuratively, John. I'm not proposing marriage.  
EB: oh, lol.  
EB: well, that sounds cool, but how?  
TT: I think it starts with Jane...  
EB: :/  
EB: we should talk about this as a group, i think.  
TT: My thoughts as well. Just a moment.

tentacleTherapist [TT] created memo BFFSIES 5EVAR  
tentacleTherapist [TT] has joined memo BFFSIES 5EVAR  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] has joined memo BFFSIES 5EVAR  
TG: lol ur my fave siscuz <3  
ectoBiologist [EB] has joined memo BFFSIES 5EVAR  
turntechGodhead [TG] has joined memo BFFSIES 5EVAR  
TG: oh god rose why  
EB: hi dave!  
TG: hi john  
TG: hi roxy :P  
EB: lol hi roxy :B  
TG: who could possibly forget you, rox-my-sox?  
TG: <3  
gardenGnostic [GG] has joined memo BFFSIES 5EVAR  
GG: *ears perk up* is that the sound of friendship I hear?!  
EB: jade! it's been so long since i saw you! when did i see you last... was it maybe BREAKFAST  
GG: hehe hi you dork  
golgothasTerror [GT] has joined memo BFFSIES 5EVAR  
GT: Hullo friends!  
TG: JAKEY-POO!  
GG: Hi bro!  
TG: yo  
timaeusTestified [TT] has joined memo BFFSIES 5EVAR  
timaeusTestified [TT] is now notaServitor [NS]  
NS: Sup.  
TG: holy shit rose youre a miracle worker a saint im putting your visage on a candle right now and asking you to ask favors of god for me ill give you candy and flowers pretty please  
NS: Shut up, or I will leave.  
GT: Um hi dirk.  
NS: Hi, Jake.  
TT: Is there something you would like to say to the class, Dirk?  
NS: Ugh.  
NS: Sorry for being a dick weasel, I guess?  
NS: Um, especially sorry to Jade and Jake for hurting you and hurting your family and also making you worry.  
GG: <3  
GT: <33  
TG: what am i chopped liver  
NS: Yes.  
TG: man fuck you  
NS: Sorry, bro, incest and girls are like the only two things I'm not into.  
TG: ugh why are you the worst  
NS: Okay, moving on.  
NS: Rose has a plan for bringing Jane in, but first we have a lot to discuss. Especially with John and Jake.  
EB: huh?  
GT: :?  
NS: John, we need to know what you think happened during the “séance.” We won’t argue with you; just want to get a clear picture of what we’re dealing with here.  
NS: Jake, I need to know what you know and also believe to be true of what Jade does as a witch. What we all do. Hell, even what you believe the explanation is for Becquerel.  
EB: bec needs explaining? he’s a dog, dirk.  
NS: Egbert, I believe you’ve already been given your assignment. That was not it.  
NS: Though, yeah, for purposes of not confusing Egbert here, I think maybe you should talk to me in a side chat, Jake.  
NS: Or, I guess I can see why you wouldn’t want to do that. So... I don’t know. Rose or something. Or here’s okay I guess. Rose?  
TT: I do think a side-chat would be better. I am amenable to playing the part of the listening party.  
GT: Ah no thats okay.  
GT: I mean  
GT: Yeah dirk i can talk to you.  
NS: Okay.  
NS: Cool.  
TG: jegus get a room  
TG: *WHISTLES*  
NS: Shut the fuck up.  
NS: Dave, change your fucking handle.  
turntechGodhead [TG] is now tipsyGnostalgia [TG]  
TG: LMAO  
TT: Okay, that’s enough. Dirk, Jake, please move on to your side-chat if you have not done so already.  
TT: John, are you alright to talk now? We can also move to a side-chat if you are not comfortable in this setting.  
TT: Or perhaps you would like to talk with Dave?  
TG: weve talked already i just dont gossip about private chats  
EB: actually, i guess i should talk here.  
EB: i’ve been thinking about this for a while. it’s probably not good to not say it. you seem to be trying to work things out, so...  
TG: its up to you bro  
EB: okay  
EB: um  
EB: the thing is...


	5. Chapter 5

John and Jade poorly hide their lurking as you knock on John's bedroom door. John, gentleman that he has been raised to be, has been sleeping on the couch in favor of relinquishing the only bed in the apartment to his cousin and aunt. According to Jade, he even washed the sheets first, which is much more than the men in your family have ever done for a guest. "Jane, it's Rose," you say just loudly enough to be heard through the door but carefully keeping your tone soft. "I would like to speak to you, but I understand if you would like me to leave."

The silence continues. You have started to weigh the advantages of trying again more loudly versus leaving her alone for another few days when she finally answers, "Okay."

You hesitate. "Okay, I can come in?"

"Yes," she says, barely audible.

You crack open the door and stick your head in. She's typing at her jewel-red Crocker Corp laptop. Her eyes are not raw. She's dressed and clean. As Jade had said, she no longer seems grieved, merely severely pissed off. You have been warned, though, that for Jane it is a tenuous difference. Really, Roxy should be doing this, but it was agreed by the group that you are ‘better at the psych thing.’ "May Jade come in with me, or is that too crowded?" you ask.

Surprised, Jane actually looks up from her laptop. She frowns, confused. "Yes, of course," she says.

You enter and step aside so Jade can enter with Becquerel. You pointedly leave the door wide open so that Jane won't feel cornered. You take John's desk chair and sit in it as casually as possible, trying to look open and friendly. You probably just look like you're trying too hard, which you are. "Jane, first I would like to say that I am very, very sorry that we upset you the other night. The others participants are also willing to voice their apologies if you would like to hear them, but we decided not to barrage you with _our_ feelings," you explain. "This is about you and how we've hurt you."

Slowly, Jane closes the laptop and pushes it aside. She's not looking at you, but it's an improvement. "I'm listening," she says.

"I understand that this is the first time you have met myself and Dave and Dirk, so I will not try to convince you of what is or isn't characteristic behavior of us," you continue. "But you are close cousins with John, Jade, and Jake and best friends with Roxy," you say. "May I be allowed to appeal on their behalf to your knowledge of their characters that they would never seek to hurt you?"

She frowns. "It was a really mean prank. People are always saying mean things about Miss Betty. I can see how your family would maybe not get that." She glances pointedly to Jade. "But Jade and John should have known better."

Jade chews her lips and toes at the floor. "But we didn't know he was going to blame Betty," she mumbles.

"It's _John_ that said it," she snaps, glaring at the both of you. You're not sure if that's an improvement or not. "Whether premeditated or not, he cannot have _accidentally_ said such mean things!"

Bec glances toward the doorway, which tells you that John had probably heard her and reacted. Both fortunately and unfortunately, his reaction was quiet enough that human ears were unable to pick up on it, so you are unsure how exactly he reacted but at least Jane did not catch it.

You nod and lean forward, elbows on knees, and look her straight in the eye. She meets you back with fierce determination. You can see why Roxy loves her so much. "I understand that is the appearance of matters," you say carefully. "I need you to understand there are only two ways for us to proceed from here while making amends with you. One, we can lie to you about what happened, feeding you whatever is easiest to believe and apologizing for acts we did not do in addition to what we did. Of course, as your friends, we want to make you comfortable, and that has been our mistake thus far. Obviously, a lie is no foundation for a friendship, and you strike me as someone with a vicious hate for falsehood."

"Gee, you think?" Jane snaps, crossing her arms.

"Which brings us to option two," you say. "Roxy has informed me that you once offered to her a free pass on belief if your skepticism ever stood in the way of your friendship."

Jane sneers at you. "Then why isn't _she_ here?"

"Because I am the verbose sibling, and she wishes to ensure that you receive the most adequate explanation," you explain.

Jane shakes her head and says, "Well, the offer is non-transferable. And, in fact, it is relinquished! She can't be mean to me and then demand I give her faith! That's emotional manipulation!"

"Yes, I suppose it would be," you admit. "But it seemed the less shocking path." You send a meaningful glance to Jade.

Jade sighs. "We should probably move to the living room," she says. "If John comes in here it's gonna be way too crowded."

You nod, then turn to Jane. "Jane, are you willing to come with us to the living room?"

She looks at you suspiciously. "What for?" she asks.

"I ask only one chance to prove my claims to you or, at least, the foundation my claims rest on: that magic is real, and thus what we are telling you did happen was, in fact, possible," you tell her. "Should I fail in this endeavor, I promise not to try again. We will give up the subject with you. We will make amends with you in the way that you see fit. All of us. Dirk included."

She stares at you for a moment. But, eventually, she climbs off the bed.

Jade leads the way back into the main room with Bec, where John is waiting on the couch. The ends of John's sleeves are spotted with dampness, and his eyes and nose are red and raw. He glances up at Jane like a kicked puppy, then down again at his feet. Jane squirms restlessly. "Okay, now what?" she asks.

You pause to gather your thoughts, then turn to John. "John, would you mind telling Jane what you said on Pesterchum? About what you believe happened during the ritual?"

John squirms and knots his hands together. "I feel… manipulated," he mumbles to his feet. "Dave told me it was a prank, then told me it was a prank on me. I lost consciousness and when I woke up, everyone was really angry. Jane told me what I said. I don't know why I said that, but…

"Until now, I've given Dave and you and Jade a pass on the witch stuff because, well, to each their own. But, I have to admit, I always thought it was a joke. I wasn’t participating in witchcraft. I cannot… I have no reason to believe that… that what you say happened really did. I have to take responsibility for my own actions. I am so sorry I hurt you, Janey."

Jane hesitates a moment, then sits on the couch next to him, leaning against him and wrapping an arm around him in a hesitant side-hug. You allow them a moment of bonding. When they seem ready, you continue, "If you do not mind John, I would like to ask your opinion as a professional magician. Were Jade and I about to perform an illusion in which someone appeared from thin air, right here in your apartment, how would we do that?"

He looks up at you, features squinched together in confusion. "Uh… Well, actual smoke and mirrors are the old standby. A good hiding place, obviously. A distraction helps."

You nod. "Okay," you say. "Then would you mind please removing all of those things from this room?"

John just stares at you. Then, he turns to Jane. She shrugs, as confused as him. Finally, he gets up and looks around the main room of his small apartment. First, he gets on his knees and folds in the legs of the collapsible coffee table. He then scoots it under the couch so that there is no longer any doubt as to whether a person could fit under the couch. He takes a cabinet and scoots it into the kitchen. Same with a bookshelf, though he doesn't get it all the way in. Apparently, he decides that no one could be hiding behind his posters or using them as a distraction. He takes down a mirror for good measure and turns it to face the wall. He closes the bathroom and bedroom doors.

He drops back down on the couch next to Jane. "Okay," he says. "Now what?"

Jade rubs her arm nervously and steps forward. "Um, the thing is… Extraordinary claims need extraordinary proof, right?" she says. "So… So we're gonna do something extraordinary. See, um, Becquerel here is not a true dog. He's, um, he's the god of the island me and Jake and our moms live on."

Jane snorts. "You consider that proof?"

"No," you tell her. "You see, Bec has the ability to teleport. That's how Jade and Jake get from place to place so easily. Our proof will be when you witness for yourselves, without any possibility of trickery, Bec disappear from this room and reappear with Jake."

Jane and John are both staring at you like you're mad. "Are you nuts?" asks Jane.

"No," you tell her. "And you promised us one try. One try to convince you. Please allow us this one attempt."

Jane throws up her arms and leans back. John is already looking around, trying to figure out how you intend to pull this off. But he has already illusion-proofed the apartment.

"Now, please," you instruct. "Focus exactly on where Bec is. Do not look away until he has returned. I do not wish for you to have reason to believe that we used your distraction against you."

Jane and John exchange dubious glances once more, but then both lean forward and stare intently at Bec. Jane rolls her eyes once, but then continues staring. "Okay," she says. "Whenever you're ready."

You turn to Jade. With a lot of nervousness, she kneels down and pets Bec. Apparently sensing her unease, he leans into her and licks her face. She giggles despite herself. "Okay, Bec, attention!" she commands, and Bec immediately snaps into a statuesque sitting position. Statuesque except for the wagging tail, showing his eagerness for the next command. "Bec, fetch Jake!"

Bec disappears.

A moment later, Bec reappears with Jake, who promptly falls over because Bec has Jake's right leg in his mouth. "Sis, you have _got_ to teach him how to fetch people properly," Jake whines from the floor.

"Holy fuck," says John.

"Bec, release!" Jade orders, and the god immediately drops Jake's leg. "Good, boy! Treat!" She tosses a snausage to him, and he catches it in the air, teleporting before landing. He reappears on the other side of her.

"Holy fuck!" John repeats.

Jake laughs. "Indubitably, my good man," he says, standing up. The grin then falls from his face. "Janey?" he asks, pouting.

Jane has not moved. She is still staring, stone-faced, at Jake. She blinks and straightens up, as though suddenly realizing what she was doing. "Um, yes, I see," she says.

You frown. "Ms. Crocker, I understand this is rather shocking, but as I said—"

"No," she says quickly. "No, I understand." She stands from the couch, and John looks up at her doubtfully as though he is expecting to be shouted at again. "Thank you for enlightening me, Ms. Lalonde, Jade, Jake. But… But I am afraid I will require some time to process this new revelation."

You nod sympathetically. "Yes, of course. We'll give you your space."

She nods and moves stiffly, very obviously trying not to follow an impulse to run, back to John's room. She shuts the door. Jake pouts after her. “Is she gonna be okay?” he asks.

“She just needs some time,” Jade says, leaning down to pat his head reassuringly. You’re not sure either of them realize that she does it in the exact same manner in which she pats Bec’s head.

John is quiet for a while despite Jake and Jade moving to sit on either side of him. Bec sits quietly at his feet, looking up at him with a quizzical expression. You move to the door, ready to leave them alone if Jade cues you to.

Finally, John asks, “So… The things I said… That Jane said I said… That really was some…” He scrunches his face up in confusion. “Mystical tumor?”

Jade and Jake both fall to the floor laughing. Pursing your lips in an attempt to stay serious, you answer, “Cancer the constellation, Jake. He’s a crab. He has associations with tumors, but the crab is his primary emblem. He offers defense, unity among friends, and hard-edged compassion. His active magic, however, can be either malignant or benign, not beneficial.”

John blushes and nods. His cousins quieten themselves but stay on the floor, opting to play with the god to avoid embarrassing John further by noticing his blush. “Then…” says John. He looks up at you. “Then, could you tell him I’m sorry I freaked out?”

Jade looks to you. You nod. She looks up at John. “Actually,” she says. “We were hoping you would talk to him again…”


End file.
